"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
