Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
