# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As shirtless as possible
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
