Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
