There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
