You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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