Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
