hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
