He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize