Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
