He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
