problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
