just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
