1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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