Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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