The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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