I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
