I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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