So drunk its hurt
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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