These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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