Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
