Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
