I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
