we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
