she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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