Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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