I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
