Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
