Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
