..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
