Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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