I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
