I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball