if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan