guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.