I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.