She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.