Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
