Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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