my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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