i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
