You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
