just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
