So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
