My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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