Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
