I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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