He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
