My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
