Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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