So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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