In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
