I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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