I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
