he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
