She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
