You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
