fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
