Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
