I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
