You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
