I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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