It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
