Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
